These Phrases from A Parent That Saved Me as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the truth rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her chief support while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The simple words "You are not in a healthy space. You need some help. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a larger failure to open up among men, who often absorb negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a pause - taking a few days overseas, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are through this experience."